Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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