4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize