I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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