we have officially lost it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
