I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
