Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
