You work out of a Hotel?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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