I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
