No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
