I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
