8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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