My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
