dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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