dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
