Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
