allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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