Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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