For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
