Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
