Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
