How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize