omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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