okay pat passed out under dana's car
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
