If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
