Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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