also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize