Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
