We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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