hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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