Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
