So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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