Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
