i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
