Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Randomize
