can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
