zippers are such a cool invention
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
