Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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