Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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