I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
