I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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