Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
