its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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