I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
