i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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