OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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