I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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