cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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