It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
