I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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