3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
