then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize