K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
