nutella sex= disaster
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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