Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
