i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
