you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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