My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I've blown a few things in my day
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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