Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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