guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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