she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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