Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
