I must be too annoying 4 u.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
