I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
