and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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