Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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