So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
