Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just saw a hot homeless man
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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