so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
